Often I write from sheer unreflected expression. Then I think about it over and over.

My wife has a strategy: When she is upset or enflamed over something ridiculous, most often something that occurred at work, and usually about an idiot at work, and she is moved to correct it with an email, she writes the email and then sends it to herself.

What this does is allows her time to calm down and have some perspective upon the whole thing, the event as well as her reaction to it, as well what she really wants to say. So by the time she looks at the email a little while later, she usually finds some preferred corrections — mainly in her tone and word choice.

I am trying to learn from her in my blogging, but I don’t always succeed. See, I am still, like 11 years old; ill probably die before I reach puberty.

But then the 76 year old in me comes out. He lets the 11 year old do what he wants. He waits a bit and then comes out to bestow his wise view upon the whole affair.

Im thinking about the post I just wrote before this. I haven’t thought of the band CRASS in a long time, and just listening to that album I put a link to really brought back memories. That album in particular is really good. Their other albums actually fit more the image one might think around just the term ‘crass’; the singer has a raw cockney cutting voice and more speaks loudly and yells the words more than sings them. I got over Crass a long time ago; the whole thing, while meaningful and significant, all the punk anti establishment thing going on, but especially Crass, was a kind of childish reactionary period, albeit one that was indeed needed for the small-mindedness of the era… Our current era’s problem is its big-mindedness.

So I’m then thinking about the post. Im really reacting to a fear that resides within me and the fact that money is the root of all validity world.

I published a book last year, and recently I got an email about registering it for the purposes of being able to collect royalties on it if it is referenced anywhere, I guess.

So you might be able to see where the last post came from.

Fear is the mind killer.


Enough with the intimate and deep anecdotal relative expression and back to the significant philosophy.

So: Pessimism. 




It is no surprise that Im a pessimist. What is a surprise is what I mean by it.

I am not a pessimist because I think everything is going to shit. People who for real believe that everything is going to shit are actually optimists. The reason for this I think I put a few posts back: These optimists see the world going to shit because they are asserting their self-righteous opinion into the void in the attempt to get beyond the veil that is permanently fixed across their view. They are optimistic in so much as they see their vision as coming true, or at least hope it does: they are optimistic about their faith whereby they are able to have such opinions. Sure, they will be the first to tell you that they hope it does not or is not all going to shit, but that is just a justification that allows them thier optimism to appear so cool; This is because it is always cooler to be tough and hard. And I mean this as rebel. The larger versions of cool that like to justify the geeky nerds who have no social skills and doesn’t drink beer are just silly ‘owning’. Everyone knows what cool is, they just have the option to accept it or not. If we didn’t already know, we wouldn’t have to re-approprate it.

And this is not simile to gender or racial slurs; don’t get all extreme and un-thinking reactionary open-minded on me and extrapolate ‘coolness’ with, say, ‘whiteness’ or ‘hetero’, or ‘gender neutral’. I can totally say that that Iggy Pop was totally cool in his grossness and heroin use and all that thrash shit, all the while knowing that I am totally a dork, and I can know these things without getting all teary-eyed because Im not cool. This has nothing to do with re-approprating terms that are used in the game of oppression (Freire)

But most people don’t think this way, especially the people who secretly want to be cool. They are being cool in their pessimism but it is because they are asserting their optimism about their coolness in being a “gloom and doomer”; and if they can have a deep political analysis that points to the nuts-ness and downward spiral of the world then they are right up there with Korn, and Five Finger Death Punch. There is a reason why Progressive-Death-Heavy-Metal-Hard- Rock is what it is: It is because it means very little beyond an image of toughness. Lincoln Park and all that winy desperation was done 30 years ago; now it is just a manner of making money off of a certain childish consumer segment who  either had a tough life or wished they did. It is no longer a way of life as opposed to another illegitimate way of life; we’ve all come to terms with everyone having an equal expression of their individuality that now any and all expression is just another steel ball floating down the peg board with no more or less significance than any other beyond what is marketed.

Whoa; there I go again. lol

I am a pessimist because I do not see an end to humanity. I do not see the activity of human beings bringing and end to itself, of destroying its world. I see the tenacity of being human, the exceptional and inevitable ability to adapt. I see the determination of being human and not the contingency. Yet, the contingency I do have to deal with, still; I encounter it and have options within it all the time; I behave within it. I must, and effectively, as anyone else. But the vicissitudes of the world do not shake me into self-righteous optimism that leads itself to its own end, all the while denying that it is really a celebration of human centrism.

nuts, huh?










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